My Insider Story of the “Focus on the Family” v. “Gay Rights” Culture War
I was Focus’s closeted gay vice president
I was the vice president of Focus on the Family (a.k.a., Focus) for nine years from 1995–2004. I was closeted then, and today I am a Christian who is universally out as a gay, affirming man — endorsing equal rights for gay people.
What you are about to read are my “fair-and-balanced” insights. Some of you will disapprove of my association with Focus, others will disapprove of my respect for gay marriages. I ask you to suspend judgment and embrace understanding Focus on the Family, the gay rights movement, and the evangelical versus gay rights culture war within America.
Therefore, with malice toward none and charity toward all, here is my insider story.
Here’s What You Need to Understand About Me
I embraced that all humans deserve dignity and equal rights. I cringed every time I saw an example of a gay Brother being treated as a “lesser than” by his fellow church members.
I grew up in a very conservative, pro-military family. I became a true-blue evangelical Christian, intensely studying the Bible and all other social customs of evangelicalism. My wife and I appreciated Dr. James Dobson, the president of Focus on the Family. We watched his video series, listened to his radio shows, and read his books. I joined Focus in 1995 after retiring from a successful 20-year career in the Air Force, where I had been a fighter pilot.
My job at Focus from 1996 to 2004 was as executive director of their college institute. As one of the company’s vice presidents, I met weekly with Dr. Dobson and his executive staff, attended Focus board meetings, and had dinner with Dr. and Mrs. Dobson many times, often in their home.
During the end of my time at Focus, I gained a confidence in the “rightness” of being gay. Then in 2004, I volitionally came out to the president of Focus. Consequently, I resigned and began my professional career of counseling Christian men who experience shame over their homosexuality.
Focus began to refer their male homosexual clients to me. It would probably be helpful for you to read about my counseling method, as described in the linked Prism & Pen article.
My wife of 41 years died of cancer in 2017. Therefore, I became able for the first time in my life to be completely out as a gay single man who deeply loves Jesus.
Today, I affirm gay dating and romantic love, healthy physical affections, and gay marriage. I am retired professionally, which lets me spend my time nurturing gay friendships and gay dating. I intend to be kind to everyone who enters my sphere.
So, I know quite a bit about evangelicalism, Focus on the Family, Dr. Dobson, gay rights, culture wars, and gayness. Many people consider me to have lived the most unusual gay Christian life ever.
Here’s What You Need to Understand About Focus on the Family
As an overview, Focus on the Family staunchly holds three positions.
However, before launching into each position, it is vital to understand that during 1980–2010, Focus on the Family was synonymous with the person of Dr. James Dobson. Dr. Dobson was the founder, president, iconic celebrity, culture shaper, and political force. His persona is a combination of charming advice and ruthless dominance.
Dr. Dobson exudes witty, common-sense authority. He also is one of the most generous men I have ever met. For example, he never took a penny of salary, subsisting only on his book revenues. He lives in a modest home and gave away tons of his own money to families in need.
On the flip side, Dr. Dobson maintained a dominant posture as the leader of Focus. He was unshakeable in his belief of what was “right for America” and wielded his primary energies and clout toward making America “pro-family” as defined by traditional Biblical values. It would be accurate to say that Dr. Dobson’s leadership style resembled that of former President Trump.
I knew Dr. Dobson as a stellar provider of financial charity, dedication to a cause, fearless in the face of opposition, and arguably American’s most dominant Christian force during 1990–2010. I also knew Dr. Dobson as a “take no prisoners” combat-style leader and someone I never wanted to offend. For nine years, Dr. Dobson was my boss — an icon of contrasting respect and intimidation.
These are three positions Focus on the Family maintained during the Dobson era
1.) Focus on the Family is Evangelical
To understand Focus is to understand evangelicalism. For readers who have never been evangelical (or who run in the exact opposite direction of such), here’s a “must-know” primer:
a.) Evangelicalism is “all about Jesus.” Evangelicals believe God exists and that Jesus is God along with God-the-Father and the Holy Spirit. Thus, Jesus is simultaneously humanity's rescue from eternal punishment and the best example of a virtuous human character. Evangelicals promoted a belief that gay people would be able to cease their “promiscuous ways” if they would submit their life to Jesus’ authority. Such submission meant no homoromantic or homoerotic behaviors.
b.) Evangelicalism is “all about the Bible.” Evangelicals believe God inspired the original authors of the Bible to communicate God’s message through man’s communication style. Furthermore, evangelicals adhere to the “Sola Scriptura” principle — meaning, the Bible alone is trustworthy for determining truth. Thus, science and logic are not dependable.
c.) Evangelicals apply a “plain and simple” understanding of the Bible — one that the common reader can easily comprehend. Thus, literal interpretation (the verse applies across all cultures and time) is utilized more than a contextual interpretation (the verse is relevant to a specific audience and purpose).
d.) Evangelicals adhere to what they call a “biblical worldview.” The evangelical’s way of interpreting life needs to conform to the verses contained in the Bible — and not by citing any facts or theories outside of the sacred text. Thus, in the evangelical viewpoint, being a “true Christian” and “knowing the Truth” depend upon trusting and following the Biblical worldview.
e.) Evangelicals often believe it is their role as Followers of Jesus to get into an “apologetics” dialogue with a “non-Christian.” Such conversation is a courtroom-like contest between a prosecutor and an allegedly guilty man. The prosecutor (ie., the evangelical) asks a pre-set series of questions to the alleged criminal (i.e., the “non-Christian”). The goal is to structure the dialogue such that the defendant will have no viable rebuttal other than “Yes, you are right.” The evidence in this apologetics contest must only be “proof-texting” verses from the evangelical bible. Science and logic will not be admissible as evidence.
In short, when you consider how an evangelical Christian views life, it boils down to the mantra “God said it; I believe it; that settles it.” Accordingly, anal intercourse between men is understood to be a sin, even an “abomination” contrary to nature. If unrepentant and unchanged, the homosexual will burn in lust on earth and not be permitted into heaven. Ouch!
2.) Focus on the Family is “Pro-Family”
Dr. Dobson’s vision for a better America is reminiscent of the 1950s family constellation and ethos. The husband is to be the head of the household and the breadwinner. The wife should, if possible, stay at home to nurture the development of the kids. Singleness is a “way-station” until one is married. Intercourse is taboo unless married — thus virginity is prized as in the “Love Waits” campaign.
All forms or eroticism are bad unless in the context of a husband and wife. Accordingly, “every man’s battle” concerns how to handle erotic longings and fantasies. The evangelical man’s goal is therefore to never focus upon anything that can be erotically stimulating. Men are expected to be accountable to other men with respect to reporting their purity over erotic lust.
“Pro-family” was a slogan (even a war cry) for evangelicals that implored people to have a “traditional biblical marriage” and raise children to succeed in upholding traditional evangelical Biblical values. Thus, premarital sex and all forms of gay romantic and erotic encounters are prohibited.
3.) Dr. Dobson Endorsed Socio-Political Christian Involvement
Dobson, more so even than Focus on the Family as an organization, strongly encouraged all evangelicals to express their values in the public arena. As background, before about 1970 evangelicals often confined themselves within their own cloistered communities. Political involvement was viewed as a “secular” enterprise and suspect at best.
This changed in the Dobson era. He and others encouraged evangelicals to learn and apply the Biblical worldview. The evangelical person was coached in applying the apologetics debate method in publicly sharing the Biblical worldview. Voting in every local and national election became seen as a Christian’s duty.
Ah, yes — political elections.
At Focus, I learned that evangelical leaders like Dr. Dobson considered the Republican party to be the political machine best equipped to endorse a Biblical worldview. In delighted harmony, Republican Party strategists salivated to win elections by securing the evangelical vote. Thus, a mutual agreement was formed. The plan became that evangelical leaders would introduce a “hot button” issue onto ballots at every local and state election. Evangelical ministries would provide “voting guides” to influence evangelicals to vote for the only correct “Christian” choice.
In turn, the elected Republican candidate would champion the corresponding Biblical worldview.
This strategy worked!
And what was the most reliable hot button to place on the local and state voting ballots — something that would ensure evangelicals in masses would show up to vote? Yep, anti-gay-rights bills! “Gay rights” were viewed by evangelicals as a threat to the Biblical family unit and society in general.
Here’s What You Need to Understand About Gay Rights
Let me make this extremely simple to comprehend. Gay people view their sexuality as a different directional attraction. It is not disordered, a sickness, a demonic oppression, an addiction, or a sin. Rather, being gay is simply a different form of attraction. Period.
Furthermore, gay people want equal rights as human beings —meaning not being treated as “lesser than” straight people. For gay Christians, this meant equal opportunity within one’s local church. Specifically, gay Christians want to be able to hold leadership positions, attend premarital workshops, become married to same-sex partners, have themselves and their children baptized, and other basic rights that every straight person presently enjoys in a local church. Gay Christians do not want pity or judgmental advice. Likewise, gay Christians do not want to hear they are “welcome” in the church only to later receive a bait-and-switch notice that they are not welcome to hold the same basic rights as fellow straight members.
Dr. Dobson, Focus on the Family, and the evangelical “pro-family movement” movement presented very real, very large threats to gay rights
Both the pro-family and the gay-rights sides believed they would win the culture war through legislative restrictions or freedoms. And both sides were committed to succeeding — and would pour every form of energy and resources into winning the war.
America became a war zone between evangelicals and gays. And I sobbed.
In my past, I endorsed the Focus on the Family values.
That is, until I changed.
As a result of providing professional counseling and mentoring to thousands of gay Brothers in Christ, I learned directly of the abuses they were receiving from their evangelical leaders. I grieved. I began to understand that being gay is simply an attractional difference. I embraced the concept that all humans deserve dignity and equal rights. I lamented every time I learned of a gay Brother being treated as a “lesser than.”
I publicly outed myself as being gay. I now encourage gay Brothers through personalized friendship and support. I applaud gay rights activism while knowing my unique ministry is in helping individual gay Christian men overcome their shame. Mostly, I am grateful for the following reality:
Jesus loves me exactly as I am. He is never going to leave me. And I am never going to reject Him. And I want to provide kindness to everyone who engages with me — in the same way in which Jesus continually provides me generous compassion and mercy.
GAYoda is a publication to uniquely and specifically support gay Christian men. Click here to learn more
Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder and author of GAYoda. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor, with 45+ years of mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. Read a short synopsis of his story here.
Read Dr. Rosebush’s complete set of articles here.
Dr. Rosebush provides friendship support to gay Christian men across the U.S. and can be contacted via Facebook or mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
